First dates- when to ask and where to go?
Once you have made a connection with someone online you need to take it to the next stage and meet in the real world. The biggest mistake made within online dating is spending too much time in the digital world. Weeks and weeks of emails and messages going back and forth and not really getting anywhere.
You will never know if ‘this is the one’ until you meet them so bite the bullet and get out from behind your computer screen.
What’s the harm in asking?
Both men and women can make the first move and suggest a meet and doing it online is simple- it’s just one message- Do you fancy meeting up? You’ll get a yes or a no but one way or the other you can know if there is any chance of the relationship developing.
Your next dilemma is where to go, taking it that the other person said yes.
There are plenty of choices of places to go and things to do, but our best advice is- keep it simple- for the first date anyway. If things go well you will hopefully have plenty of opportunities in the future to splash out and impress, dress up and party!
Firstly a few places not to go on a first date:
Night club or live music venue
Don’t go where it will be impossible to hear each other, you want to be able to get to know this person so you may need to be able to hear them speak! This first date is important so make a good impression and take the chance to get to know your date. What better way to do this than engage in conversation with the other person face to face.
Cinema, theater or concert
These places are no-no’s, pretty much for the same reason. Front row seats to the latest West end production may impress your date and be a great way to spend an evening but it wont give you the chance to find out what your dates favorite foods are, if they enjoy sport or ask them one of the many other questions you have mentally prepared- you have mentally prepared a list of questions and conversations starters, haven’t you?
Formal dinner/dinner with friends
Avoid formal dinners in posh restaurants or meals out with a group of your friends. Going to a posh restaurant could make some dates feel uneasy and dinner with friends gives out the impression that all you want to do is show off your date. While having our friends around us may help us with nerves, it doesn’t make for a good first impression. And as for the nerves, your date will most likely be just as nervous as you are so try not to worry.
It is important that first dates are comfortable and relaxed. The thought of spending an evening with someone you barely know can be scary to say the least, keep things simple and don’t over-do a first date.
Anywhere where you have to wear a tie or posh frock.
Simple rule. Ask yourself- can I go wearing jeans? First dates are hard enough without adding to the awkwardness and discomfort of having to dress up in clothes that are too tight and just not comfortable to wear. Adding ties and high heels, posh frocks cuff links adds unneeded pressure to the date. We want our date to feel comfortable and relaxed. We’re not saying go along in your chill out joggers but choose a venue that you can go to wearing clothes you’re comfortable in. A pair of jeans with a nice ironed top or shirt. Casual, smart and presentable (need I say clean?) but most importantly comfortable!
So where should a first date be?
A good first date could be as simple as meeting up for an afternoon coffee in a local café where can sit for as long as you want, or make a quick getaway!
Meeting for a coffee is relaxed, pressure free and easy going and can give you the perfect opportunity to get to know your date without them feeling too anxious.
You still need to put a little thought into which coffee shop- there are plenty to choose from. We would suggest somewhere easy to get to, taking into account where your date is travelling from. Some where that perhaps offers something extra- like the café in the British museum or one that’s within the grounds of a local park. There’s always safety in numbers so not a really quiet coffee shop where you will likely be the only customers.
If the date goes well you can always extend the date, have a wonder around the museum or a walk though the park. Afternoons make a great time for a first date giving you the chance, if things go well to take the date into the evening.
Alternatively you can ignore all our advice and do your own thing. Who are we to say that sky driving isn’t a perfect first date. Sometimes you are really the only one that can make the decision on where to go or what to do or when to ask them out. And who knows, you may meet the woman/man or your dreams, fall madly in love and live happily ever after.